


A Heart, Halved

by midnightrush, Thumbie, tinysparkofmagic (stardustandangels)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Loss, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Rimming, Switch Bucky Barnes, it's going to be okay I promise, switch steve rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7015258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightrush/pseuds/midnightrush, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thumbie/pseuds/Thumbie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustandangels/pseuds/tinysparkofmagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seventy years frozen in the ice is not even close to ten years in consciousness, knowing your best friend could be alive but chose to stay silent and frozen. After one intimate night with Bucky, Steve faces the reality of a life without him, only reminiscing in memories and reveling in loneliness. Will he ever get to see him again? And would they be able to pick up their relationship where they left off?</p>
<p>Actually it’s mostly smut with some heavy angst in between. There's a happy ending, too. So, enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This was one big group effort, so kudos to [Furi](http://furious-winter.tumblr.com) and [Banana](http://kyarutryingtowrite.tumblr.com) who started it all.  
>   
> Many thanks to my cheerleader [Alli](http://exodeerboy.tumblr.com). Big thank you to [Leo](http://midnight--rush.tumblr.com) aka my co-author, beta and cheerleader along the way. I couldn't have done it without you.  
> \- Lily

Bucky tells him over breakfast, and everything suddenly feels wrong. The day's just started and out the window, the mists are still thick over the Wakandan forest. There are birds. There's a rose in a vase on the breakfast cart, brought by the attentive floor butler. Every snow-white petal is pristine, fragile perfection on a tray of gilded plates and delicate teacups, and there's nothing Steve would like more than to push the whole goddamn mess through the glass, because Bucky wants to go into cryo again.

 

There's no talking him out of it, Steve knows. There's a look in Bucky's dark eyes that's as familiar as the way he chews on his upper lip; as the way his hands flex like he doesn't know whether to make fists or pat down Steve's front to make sure no ribs are broken; as the way his shoulders are set, strong and firm and immovable. Bucky's made his decision; he's going back on ice tomorrow.

 

Steve can barely swallow his bite of breakfast, the waffle gone dry and tasteless in his mouth. He focuses on levelling his heartbeat, consciously counting his breaths so he doesn’t lose it in front of Bucky. Twenty-four hours, it's barely enough time- there's _never_ been enough time, really, and whose fault is that?

 

Way back when, Steve had never wanted to come between his friend and that month’s current flame. Whatever else he was, James Barnes was a hopeless romantic. He talked a good game, went to the dance halls regular, flashed the signature toothy grin that had all the dames weak at the knees, and alright, sometimes he didn’t always keep it above the skirts. Bucky never went farther than a girl was ready for though, and when the night was over he always walked them to their doorsteps and ended things with a polite kiss on the hand and another of his grins.

 

Steve knew, because Bucky always came home with these types of stories (as if he wanted poor little shut-in Steve to have a taste of what it was like to have an actual love life), and Bucky always _always_ finished himself off in his cot, as quiet and as quick as possible, but not even their drafty apartment could disguise his choked off groan as he finally came.

 

And where was Steve during all this? Stuck on the couch, unable to move while in the other room, the bed springs squeaked and Bucky’s breath grew quicker. Just as useless and wanting as he was when Bucky was experimented on in Red Skull’s bunker, when Bucky fell out of reach in the mountains, on the helicarrier, every single day since then, and now, here he was -  two years after he’d found his oldest friend, and he was about to lose him again.

 

Useless and _weak_ , always had been. He’d never wanted to accept it, had fought it tooth and nail every day of his life but -

 

“Steve?”

 

Startled, Steve looks up into Bucky’s face. There’s a small crease between his eyebrows but it seems deliberate, as if Bucky knew what ‘concern’ should look like and tried to copy it out of a picture book. Steve wants to smooth it out anyway; Buck was haunted enough as it was, he didn’t need any more ghosts.

 

Steve swallows hard and tries on a smile that doesn’t seem too fake. “Sorry for spacing out. Thanks for- uh, telling me.”

 

_Thanks for telling me I’m going to be on my own again._

 

Bucky’s frown deepens. “Steve...”

 

He can’t sit here, Steve realizes. He can’t sit here and just look at Bucky and know that by this time tomorrow, he’s still going to be here, but Bucky isn’t; that he can sit and look out at the world with a stupid waffle on his plate, while _his best friend_ is stuck in an ice box downstairs, isolated and barely breathing, convinced that he’s so broken and beyond hope that his only option is going back into a cage.

 

 _He can’t sit here_.

 

“I, uh...” Steve stands up quickly, the abrupt scraping of the chair echoing in the large room. “T’Challa said he wanted to talk about something, so I’ll just go and… check...”

 

“Steve, don’t-”

 

Useless, weak _and_ a coward. Steve’s really racking it up today, and it isn’t even eight in the morning.

 

Steve avoids Bucky for the rest of the day. Not that it’s hard; Bucky’s elected to stay in their chambers ever since they arrived in Wakanda, and Steve keeps himself busy tracking the rest of his team and discussing future plans with T’Challa and a few advisors.

 

He’s distracted though, and T’Challa knows it. By afternoon, Steve can barely control his fidgeting. It feels like his entire body is strung through with piano wire, and there’s a high-pitched whine in his head that he can’t shake. When water slops over the rim of his glass for the third time that afternoon, he puts it firmly down on the waiting coaster, and excuses himself from his companions to take a measured walk through the palace. He vaguely remembers being told of the small side gardens and he turns his feet in that direction.

 

He doesn’t even make it to the nearest bench before his knees give out on the grass. He sits down heavily, burying his head in his knees and taking great heaving gulps of air. For all the worst possible times for the serum to stop working, this had to be it. He didn’t have _time_ to do this, there’s still so much to do. He’s got to get to the others, gotta find a way in and out of the Raft with minimal loss of life, gotta make sure Nat and Sharon are alright. He’s gotta go back to T’Challa and make sure his team has a place to lie low, even if it isn’t in Wakanda. God, he’s gotta make sure that Buck-

 

That Buck-

 

Steve’s brain stalls, still unwilling to accept this morning’s news. He grinds his knuckles punishingly against his temples when he suddenly feels a void under his fingertips. Steve pulls back long enough to see his hand hovering over where the rest of Bucky’s metal arm should be and suddenly _he can’t breathe_.

 

“It doesn’t hurt,” Bucky says quickly, cupping the back of Steve’s head to tuck him against his neck, away from the glaring reminder of his brokenness. “It doesn’t hurt, Steve, I’m fine.”

 

 _No, you’re not_ , Steve wants to say into the tender skin under his mouth, _You aren’t_ fine _, and neither am I_.

 

“Shut up,” he says instead, and he doesn’t know whether he’s speaking to himself or to Bucky. “Just shut the fuck up.”

 

Steve manages to calm himself down, only partly because he has avoided speaking to Bucky entirely until it was time to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be the day when he will lose Bucky again. Steve sneaks into Bucky’s assigned room, only to look at Bucky and come to peace with Bucky’s fate.

Steve stands in the doorframe and looks at Bucky’s sleeping form like a creep.

“I know you’re there, Steve.” Bucky’s voice startles Steve out of his trance. “Come in or go away.” Bucky says and sits up in his bed.

Steve takes a step forward into the room and then stops, looking a little lost. “Come here, Steve.” Bucky scoots over a little, to make space for Steve on the bed.

“Just like old times?” Steve smiles sadly.

“Just like old times.” Steve lies down in bed next to Bucky but he can't stop his thoughts running in circles.

 

Steve wants nothing more than to show Bucky how he feels, nothing more than to tell him that he loves him. He doesn't know though, this could be the end of their friendship, but Bucky has already decided that he's going back into cryo. So this could be Steve's last chance to share a kiss with Bucky, because he knows that once Bucky is in cryo, he's not coming back. So Steve reaches over, to the side of the bed where Bucky lies motionlessly. Steve reaches over and gently shakes Bucky because he doesn't want to startle him. "Hey Buck, are you awake?"

 

In the flash of a second Bucky instinctively reaches up, grabs his hand, stops it. Steve's hand is trapped in a deathly grip. He know he's going to bruise from it, though bruises never last long on his skin because of the super soldier serum.

Then Bucky closes his fingers around Steve's hand, grasping at reality.

"Yeah, Stevie, I'm awake." Steve's breath catches at the contact, he has forgotten what it's like to feel Bucky's fingers on him, strong but also gentle and delicate at the same time.

Steve is the one to kiss Bucky first, expecting rejection and not the enthusiastic return of his kiss. Bucky is quick to deepen the kiss. Pushing himself up on his elbow, to get a better angle. Bucky's flesh hand is cupping Steve's jaw, his thumb rubbing circles into his skin.

 

"I don't want to lose you again ..." Steve's voice breaks at the words, but with Bucky's eyes being so soft he manages to gather at least a tiny bit of resolve to continue. "Without you knowing that I-"

Bucky's voice is raspy when he responds. "I know, Steve, I know and I can't tell you how happy I am that I am here with you."

Steve surges forward, capturing Bucky's lips in a second kiss. Bucky's lips are warm and soft against his, and Steve is on cloud nine in a heartbeat. His head spins, this is all he's ever dreamed of. More even.

 

Bucky turns to Steve, so they can face each other more easily. When Bucky pushes into the kiss and nips on Steve's lower lip, Steve inhales sharply. He breaks from their kiss, gasping involuntarily. He feels like he's light-headed and he feels like he's drowning and Bucky is his life-line. Bucky pushes himself up with his arm and glides over Steve, his knees on either side of Steve's hips. Bucky shifts and now he's on top of Steve, and with his full weight pressing down on him, Steve can _feel it_. Steve can feel the evidence of the fact that Bucky is just as aroused as he is.

"Are we going to make this some kind of _last night on earth_ thing?" Bucky asks and Steve can't even begin to understand what Bucky's implying here. He's still drunk from the pure heavenly feeling of Bucky's fingers on his skin.

 

"If that's what you want, Buck, I'm not going to say no." Steve's breath is going more heavily now. "Because that's what I want, too. I want you."

Bucky nips at Steve's lower lip. Careful, not to put all of his weight on Steve. "I want it. I want you."

Steve's gulping. Hard. "I've wanted for so long, Buck, but we couldn't."

"We can now. What do you say?"

"Yes, please, Buck." At Steve's words, Bucky lets his hands wander lower, over Steve's neck down to his breast muscles over his stomach. "Why don't you lose the shirt?"

"It really doesn't conceal anything, but it's still in the way. I want to feel your skin under my fingers." Steve's quick to comply. He sits up and peels the shirt from his torso. Bucky's fingers are back on his skin the same second and Steve can feel the sparks where Bucky's fingertips graze over his skin.

"And you won't?" Steve is breathless. Bucky seems to hesitate for a split second before determination sets in his eyes and he shrugs off his own shirt.

Steve settles his hands on Bucky's waist then lets them wander to his hips and shifts Bucky's hips so Bucky's erection brushes his own.

 

Bucky moans obscenely. "Steve." He shifts his hips, so they are pressed together through the thin fabric of their pyjama pants. "Buck. I need –" Steve lets out breathlessly.

"Tell me Steve, what do you need?" Bucky grins mischievously. He has never thought that he could reduce Steve to a stuttering mess.

"I need you, want you, need, Buck. Just – I need more." Bucky puts a little more space between his body and Steve's. Steve's hands tighten on his back, fully prepared to pull Bucky back into him if he breaks the contact.

 

Bucky's fingers ghost over the waistband of Steve's pyjamas. Only barely grazing his erection, never really providing the friction he so desperately needs.

"Buck, please-" Steve shudders all over when Bucky lightly presses his palm down onto his cock. He involuntarily thrusts his hips up into Bucky's hand, chasing after the friction.

Steve's lying on his back again, Bucky's body gliding along his, his hands stroking up along the defined muscles of his stomach. Bucky mouthing at the skin under his jaw while his hands wander lower again to the waistband of his boxers. Bucky's fingers slip under the elastic, and Steve's breath hitches audibly. "Buck, I need you. I want-"

"Tell me what you want, Stevie." Bucky breathes out. He doesn't move his hand that made his way into Steve's underwear.  Bucky shifts to the side and half-sits up. Bucky lets go of Steve's boxers and draws light patterns on Steve's naked skin. When his fingers graze over Steve's nipple, Steve shudders.

 

"I want everything. I want your mouth on me. I want to suck you. I want you in me. I want you to fuck me." The words tumble out of Steve's mouth.

Bucky smirks. "Steve. You can have anything you ask from me." Bucky places a feather-light kiss on Steve's lips. "Are you asking?"

"God, yes Bucky, I'm asking. This is me asking. Please." Bucky flicks Steve's nipple one more time  before sliding lower.

This time Bucky isn't just toying with the elastic again, instead he makes quick work and frees Steve from his boxers. Steve arches his back and Bucky slides Steve's pyjamas and boxers down.

Bucky gulps hard when he sees Steve laid out on the bed in all his naked glory.

His chest is tinted in a light pink flush, eyes hooded and his erection standing proud against his stomach.

 

Bucky freezing rips Steve from his trance. "You okay Buck? You know we don't have to if you don't want –" Bucky interrupts him before he can finish the sentence. "You have no idea how much I want this, how much I want you, Steve." He swallows and Steve can see Bucky's Adam's apple moving under the skin of his throat.

"'m just looking." Bucky's sheepish expression at his makes Steve's heart flutter in his chest. This was Bucky. He was here, with Bucky. His Bucky.

"I want to see you, too, Buck. Please." Bucky shakes his head as if he just lost contact with reality. "Of course, Steve. Anything for you." And just with that the Bucky Steve knows and loves is back with an easy smile.

 

In one swift motion Bucky strips completely. He's breathtakingly beautiful, even with all the scarring on his left side, where his metal arm is fused into his body.

"Come here, Buck." Steve reaches for Bucky and Bucky places his metal hand into Steve's.

Steve pulls him towards him again until they are pressed together everywhere. Steve can feel Bucky's breath hitch in his chest and he rubs soothing circles on his back.

"I can't believe this is actually happening. I've wanted this so much. For so long."

"I know, Buck." Steve kisses Bucky deeply. They just lay there kissing, naked and content, never needing anything more.

 

Soon both start rocking into each other involuntarily, searching for friction. Steve breaks the kiss, breathing hard. "There are condoms and lube in the drawer over there." He's panting heavily.

Reluctantly Bucky separates himself from Steve and turns to get out the supplies. He slides down Steve's body, his hands mapping out every inch of his body. Steve's hands simultaneously slide up Bucky's back, coming to rest on Bucky's shoulders while Bucky dripples a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. He circles the ring of muscle of Steve's hole and Steve sighs in pleasure.

 

Bucky drops down and takes the head of Steve's cock into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and sucking lightly, lapping up the drips of Steve's precome.

Bucky presses his forefinger into Steve's hole and Steve arches his back at the intrusion. "Buck, please, please, don't stop."

Bucky massages the tight ring of muscle, while Steve writhes underneath him. "You like this, don't you, Stevie?"

Bucky presses this finger further into Steve's hole, then crooking it lightly, trying to find the one spot that is going to make Steve see stars. "Could you take more, Steve?"

"Please, Buck."

 

Carefully Bucky adds a second finger, going as slow as possible, not wanting to hurt Steve. But his efforts are rendered fruitless when Steve starts pushing back on his fingers.

"Is this alright? Tell me if you need me to stop or go slower."

Steve moans involuntarily before he can speak: "God no, Buck. Don't you dare stop." Bucky crooks his fingers again and Steve arches his back, groaning loudly. Bucky smirks, knowing that he finally found what he was looking for. Smirking lightly Bucky set his mind on putting that knowledge to good use in the future.

 

Bucky's own erection neglected, but still rock hard, he turns his full attention to Steve, who looks beautiful in his state of building bliss.

Licking up the underside of Steve's cock, Bucky adds a third finger to stretch him further. He places little kitten licks all over the head of Steve's cock.

"Bucky, I can't - I'm so - Buck, I'm ready, please!" Steve could only form half-coherent sentences, but Bucky gets the idea what Steve wants from him. Not one to deny Steve any request, he slowly pulls his fingers out of Steve and makes quick work of the condom wrapper, before rolling it down his own erection.

 

"Buck, please!" Steve whines at the loss of contact.

Bucky lubes up his erection generously, then crawls over Steve, hovering, so their chests are barely touching, but not nearly as much as Steve wants them to touch. He wants Bucky flush against him and never let go.

 

"Buck." Steve growls and Bucky knows exactly what he wants and guides the head of his cock to Steve's hole. When his head breaches the ring of muscles, Steve moans obscenely and pulls Bucky's face up to his and lays a heated kiss on his lips.

Bucky rocks into Steve in shallow thrusts, each time pushing in a little further. He's denying both him and Steve the built of friction.  Steve's pushing back onto him and soon they are finding their own rhythm.

Bucky's thrusts grow more and more sloppy as the pleasure built and Steve is a writhing mess beneath him. Nonetheless he still holds Bucky's gaze and Bucky wraps his arm around Steve's neck, putting his weight on it, Steve's head is pillowed on his forearm and Bucky revels in the intimacy while keeping his eyes locked with Steve's.

Steve has Bucky's hips in an iron grip, and guides him into him. Both of them are panting heavily, not even kissing anymore, just sharing each other's breath.

 

Steve comes untouched and quietly, with a gasp and Bucky can feel him tighten around his cock. He only manages a few more thrusts to work Steve through his orgasm when the stimulation and Steve chanting his name gets too much and he comes inside Steve.

Bucky falters in his thrusts, turning his attention to Steve's face and nuzzling his neck. He pulls out of Steve carefully and ties and discards the condom quickly.

Spent, sweaty and exhausted Bucky collapses onto Steve, who silently wraps his arms around Bucky, carding his hand through Bucky's hair, pulling it away from his face and pressing small kisses to his temple.

 

"Stevie." Bucky sighs, still a little high from his mind-blowing orgasm.

"Shh, Buck. We'll clean up later. Go sleep." Steve runs his hands up and down Bucky's back, feeling his hard muscles uncoil and relax.

For a long time they just lay there with their legs tangled, Bucky's head pillowed on Steve's arm. Steve is entirely sure that his arm will be asleep by morning, but he wouldn't trade the feeling of Bucky in his arms for anything in the world. Steve smiles to himself and closes his eyes. His heart is bursting with all his love for Bucky, amplified by the knowledge that Bucky feels the same way about him, knowing it without ever having said the three little magical words. Soon Bucky's breathing evens out and Steve allows himself to fall asleep, too.

 

When Steve wakes up, Bucky is still draped over him. Steve can't resist to wipe a little drool from Bucky's chin and revel in the skin on skin contact with Bucky.

But then it all comes rushing back to him. Bucky's going back into cryo-freeze today and there's nothing Steve can do about it.

His heart clenches and his throat feels like it's swelling up. Tears start to well up in his eyes, he's going to be alone again. For however long that is and for Steve this going to be a very long time, as he's indestructible.

Steve's really quiet during breakfast, dreading the next few hours that are to come and separate him from Bucky again.

The sadness is hitting Steve hard, he hasn't even realized that he has a constant frown on his face by now.

 

He flinches when he register's Bucky's hand on his arm. "Hey Stevie." He says softly.

"Buck. You okay?"

"I made my peace with going back into cryo, Steve. Do you think you could try, too?"

"Yeah-" Steve hesitates. Where is the point in being honest if it'll just make Bucky feel bad. Lying is always easier, he's just trying to protect Bucky, right?  Steve gulps. "Yeah, I am. I am okay, Buck." He tries to smile at Bucky, but regarding the sudden frown on Bucky's face it probably came out all wrong.

Bucky squints his eyes. "I know you're lying to me, Steve." He confronts him. "I don't like it when you lie to me."

"So you want me to be honest then?"

"That's all I've ever wanted from you, Stevie."

"I don't want to make this harder on you, Bucky. Trust me."

"That's not for you to decide, Steve. I'm in love with you, have been for a small eternity. I don't ask you to put up with me. I'm broken, Steve. I'm dangerous."

"You -"

"I am dangerous and I don't know that there's no one that will trigger the Soldier again. I won't hurt anybody else. This is the safest option for everyone, Steve. This is the safest option for the two of us."

"But Buck-"

"I have already decided. I can tell that this is not what you want, but it is what's best for us."

Steve slumps down on a chair, hiding his face in his hands.

"Everyone I once knew is dead. I'm alone Bucky. All the others – they don't know me, not really."

Bucky pulls Steve in a one-armed hug, trying to comfort him as much as he can, considering what he is going to do to Steve.

 

He is going to leave him again, just like he did leave Steve for the army all those years ago. And this time Steve won't be able to come and find him, super-serum or not.

"I'm so sorry, Stevie." Tears well up in Bucky's eyes, but he doesn't let them fall. "I wish there's anything I can do about it, but the Soldier is still in control of me. I'm a danger to everyone. Especially you."

 

He cards his fingers through Steve's short hair. "I don't want to hurt anyone and you- you're the person I want to protect the most in this world. This is the only way I can protect you from myself."

"Oh Buck. I don't protecting anymore."

Bucky smiles sadly at Steve's words. "You are a reckless idiot, Steve. You need protecting from yourself of all people. I would only hurt you if I stayed with you. I need to do this."

"I understand, Buck. I'm sorry for being so selfish." Steve pulls Bucky into his arms and lays a soft, sweet kiss on Bucky's lips. They kiss slowly, but the clock is ticking and their time is running out.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years later ...

Today it has been ten years. Ten years ago Steve has looked out the exact same window for the first time. Ten years since he has last seen his best friend alive. Steve could have never imagined that ten years could feel that long. After Bucky had gone back into the cryo-freeze, Steve had thrown himself into his work. Taking down Hydra completely, running from the US government while working with Sam and T'Challa on a secret crime fighting organisation. Steve had taken Wanda under his wing, both strangers to this world but together they managed. Vision had taken a shine to Wanda and they have been a couple for over seven years now. Wanda has also been a respected member of a brain research facility of Wakanda. After the incident with Baron Zemo and the UN trying to pass the Sokovia Accords to control the Avengers they had found refuge in Wakanda. T'Challa had generously invited them to stay in Wakanda under his protection.

Steve has lived a hectic life these past years, always jetting from one rescue mission to the next, never taking a moment for himself. He only counted the monthly visits to Wakanda, which he spent most of the time sitting next to Bucky's cryo- freezer, talking to him, staring at his sleeping best friend with sad eyes, as a rewarded alone time.

Now was the time where Steve would normally see Bucky but the doctor hasn’t cleared him for a visit yet. Steve has been visiting Bucky every week for ten years while he lay there frozen and unconscious. Steve has told him about all his missions, has read his favourite books to Bucky. He just had found Bucky again, just to be ripped apart again. He couldn't simply move on with his life.

Bucky is his only constant in his life, and even when he's frozen, Steve is not going to leave him.

Steve realizes that he has zoned out, staring out of the window with an empty look on his face. He focuses on T'Challa's panther statue and he recaps his past years without Bucky and wonders if he will ever see him again.

All these years Steve without Bucky were paling in comparison to this one night he had spent with Bucky ten years ago. His best friend, the love of his life. He doesn't want to let go yet. But deep down, Steve knows, he knows that he will have to let Bucky go eventually, because there is no way that Steve could bring Bucky back.

Steve waits patiently for the doctor to come and give him the okay that he can visit Bucky, but the doctor never comes. Instead there's a familiar voice asking: "Stevie?" and Steve shoots around. There's Bucky standing in the doorframe, looking a little sheepish, but he's clean shaven, he clearly had a haircut since the last time Steve's seen him and the biggest change is probably the new shiny looking arm that fills the sleeve of Bucky's dark blue Henley. He looks good and Steve looks haunted like he's seeing a ghost from the past that is not really there.

"It's just me, Stevie. No need to look so shocked."

"Buck?" Steve inhales deeply. "But-  how- what-?"

 

"You want to know why I'm here?" Bucky asks cheekily.

"Buck, you're here. You're alive." Steve crosses the room with a few big steps and envelops Bucky in a bone-crushing hug. "You're here."

Bucky wraps his arms gently around Steve's back, turning his face into Steve's neck. "I'm here. I'm with you."

 

They don't separate for a long time, just standing there, holding each other.

Eventually Steve pulls away, so he can look into Bucky's eyes.

"Tell me, please."

"Why I'm here and not frozen anymore?"

Steve just nods and pulls Bucky to the couch next to the window. Bucky settles into Steve's lap, his shoulder tucked under Steve's armpit and one of Steve's arm around his shoulders.

"Tell me everything, Buck."

"It was mostly a case of chance, really, Steve. T'Challa told me that there had been massive damages to the electrical supply since you last were here and they couldn't keep my cyro at a constant temperature, so they had to wake me up."

"Are you going back in?" All of Steve's worries come back to him, amplified and they are close to crushing him. He couldn't go through this, not again. History always tends to repeat itself.

 

“No, Stevie, I’m not going back in again. I don’t think my determination is that strong that I could watch you go through that again. It broke my heart, but I told myself that you'd be safer this way."

Steve pulls Bucky into him, hugging him to his body tightly. "Will you be okay, Buck?" Steve sighs because he is about to breach the topic of The Winter Soldier not knowing how Bucky will react. "Will you be okay coping with your triggers?"

"I hope so. I've been working with Wanda and Vision the whole time I've been awake, and we are trying some new coping techniques and Wanda had a look into my mind and she says she can see a healing process. I'll never be the same I was before, but I _will_ be alright."

Steve pulls him so close, Bucky has trouble breathing.

Bucky know he's not going to be as he was before, but he wants to be with Steve, he wants to work on his triggers, with Wanda and Vision's help. On top of that he has Steve, who seems so unbelievable happy now that Bucky is with him.

"So you'll stay with me?" Steve asks incredulously.

"If you want me to." Bucky reflects, not looking at Steve's face, so he misses the bright hopefulness in Steve's eyes.

"I've never wanted anything else." And Steve's crying because he's just so happy.

He's is just so overwhelmed. This means he can be with Bucky for the rest of his days, be with him forever.

Bucky turns his head and lays a soft kiss on Steve's lips. Bucky wrestles out of Steve's hug a little so he can move his new mechanical arm around Steve's neck. His flesh hand comes up and he gently wipes away the tears from Steve's face.

"There's no need to cry, Stevie. Everything's going to be okay."

Instead of answering him, Steve just kisses him again. It is tender and loving and there's no place where Steve would rather be.

Too soon Bucky breaks the kiss and looks at Steve, worry in his eyes. "I've talked about me, but what about you? How long has it been?"

"Ten years, Bucky." Steve sighs and closes his eyes, letting his forehead drop to Bucky's. "It's been too long."

"Stevie."

"We should celebrate, that you're back, Buck."

"And how should we celebrate?" Bucky's grin turns playful and seductive and his words are laced with innuendo.

Steve returns Bucky's cheeky grin. "Tell me more about it."

"Ever since I was defrosted I couldn't stop thinking about you, I couldn't stop dreaming about our one night together."

They kiss, languidly and slow, the pull between their bodies amplified every single touch. "You want to see if I can make your dreams come true?" Steve whispers next to Bucky's ear and he earns a full-body shudder from Bucky in response.

 

Steve actually giggles at that and lays a kiss on Bucky’s cheek. “Maybe we should move this somewhere a little more private?”

Bucky complies enthusiastically. He pulls Steve up from the couch and pulls him to the exact same room, where they had also spent their first night together. He doesn’t let go the entire way and Steve revels in the warm feeling of Bucky’s hand in his.

“How do you want me, Stevie?” Bucky asks cheekily.

"Last time I got to tell you what I like, what I wanted you to do to me. I think it's your turn now." Steve looks at Bucky through his long lashes and Bucky’s heart skips a beat. Steve darts his tongue out to wet his lips and Bucky’s eyes are glued to them and he’s instinctively mirroring Steve’s every movement.

Steve closes the distance between him and Bucky, wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him close. Bucky’s hands come up to frame Steve’s face, his thumb stroking gently along his cheekbone.

“I’d really like to see you without your shirt, Stevie.”

Steve grows hot under his collar and a blush spreads over his cheeks and down his neck.

“I really want to know how far that beautiful blush extends on your chest.”

Steve hates to break the contact, but he also wants to feel Bucky’s hands on his skin and Bucky’s skin under his hands so he quickly shrugs off his shirt.

“What about you, Buck? You want to lose some of those layers, too?”

Bucky nods and Steve slips his hands under the hem of Bucky’s henley, feeling the warm skin under his fingers. With a quick move Steve has discarded Bucky’s shirt and his hands find their way back onto Bucky’s skin where he slowly starts to caress the many scars on Bucky’s chest, the seam where Bucky’s metal arm meets his skin.

„Steve… What are you… don’t.“ Bucky huffs out and tries to wriggle out from under Steve’s tender touch, already breathing heavy.

“Buck? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Are you ok?” concern in his voice clear.

“No Steve you didn’t hurt me, it’s just… this side… you don’t wanna… touch that.” He says and turns his face away from Steve to try to hide his shame and embarrassment.

“What are you talking about? You mean the scars Buck? Because they are just a part of you like anything else on your beautiful body and I don’t think they make you any less beautiful or lovable.”

Bucky shakes his head, clearly not convinced by Steve words, but he doesn’t object when Steve starts to trail light kisses all over the webbed scars. He lavishes his body with dozen of kisses and slowly kiss by kiss he makes Bucky into a squirming and quivering mess.

“Steve” Bucky says, a moan slipping out.

“Yes?” he stops his attention to flash Bucky a wicked grin, “you have something to say Buck? And if it’s something like ‘ugly’ and ‘scars’ and in that order you stop right there. Ok?”

“Ok, yes Steve, please…”

“Tell me, Buck. What do you need?”

“I want you to make love to me.”

Steve just smiles and kisses Bucky soundly before guiding him the rest of the way to their bed. “I’d love that, Buck.” Steve’s voice is low and a little rough. Just these few simple words send shivers down Bucky’s spine, turning him into a boneless mess under the careful attention of Steve’s fingers.

Steve gently coaxes Bucky to lie back on the bed, working on getting Bucky’s pants off.

Discarding the piece of clothing, Steve also gets rid off his own pants, leaving them both naked.

Steve can’t help to look at Bucky. Taking in the view, presented in front of him. The whole glory of Bucky’s body, which he hasn’t seen or touched in ten years until now. He can’t express in words how happy he is to have Bucky here with him. Finally, after all these years.

Eager he lowers himself over Bucky, hands trailing up his sides, caressing his skin, kneading the scars on his left pec making Bucky moan out in pleasure. Leaning down further he kisses the skin behind Bucky’s ear leaving a trail of wet kisses to his jaw to finally capture Bucky in an enthralling open mouthed kiss. Moving his hips slowly he brushes their erections together letting them both groan out in pleasure. He sets a slow, lazy rhythm getting them used to the feeling again.

“Mhhmm, Steve, yes…” Bucky breathed out in between kisses, ”feels so good, missed you so much. Want more.”

“Yeah, what do you want Buck? Tell me.” Never stopping caressing his sides, he moves down Bucky’s body, not leaving one spot without a kiss. He gently sucks on his nipple, tasting and feeling it harden under his attention. Bucky arches his back of the bed and moans spill out, he pants and begs Steve for more, which he willingly supplies. He never could say no to Bucky after all.

“Please your mouth Steve, I want it.”

“Anything for you.”

Bucky already gripping the sheets in anticipation starts to whine when Steve kisses lower and lower on his stomach, his hands landing on his upper thighs, squeezing a bit. Leaning up a bit Steve takes his sweet time to look at Bucky’s fully erect cock, leaking a bit of pre- come.

“You already getting slower in your age, old man?” Bucky teases, panting nonetheless.

“Just you wait Buck, don’t challenge me. You know I won’t back down.” He warns before leaning down and taking Bucky in his mouth, making the other men arch of the bed and panting beneath him. He sucks him down a few more times, when Bucky starts shivering a bit.Steve’s strong hands grip Bucky’s thighs tracing the muscles and rubbing little circles into his skin while he places little kitten licks all over Bucky’s length. He gently sucks on the head, making Bucky groan and writhe beneath him.

“Steve, Stevie-”

“Yes, Buck?”

“I want more, Steve, I want you inside of me.”

“Buck.” Steve groans, looking up at Bucky through his lashes. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure, Steve. You know that.”

Steve sighs. “You know me better than anybody else, Steve. Even after everything that happened.”

Steve crawls up onto the bed, reaching for the drawer in the nightstand next to the bed. He pulls out condoms and lube and tosses them on the bed next to Bucky’S knee. He leaves a trail of kisses down Bucky’s chest as he makes his way back down.

Steve keeps peppering kisses all over Bucky’s lower stomach, dipping his tongue in his navel, before moving along to the sensitive spot where Bucky’s thighs meet his torso, moving along to Bucky’s cock once again, teasing him mercilessly.

Steve’s tongue circles Bucky’s hole, the feeling relaxing Bucky until he can’t move even if he tried. Steve pushes his legs further apart to get better access to his hole. Bucky groans when he feels Steve’s tongue dip into his hole, pushing in slowly, paying close attention of the tight ring of muscle. Bucky makes the sweetest noises. “Steve, I need … I want …”

A warm feeling pools in Steve’s chest, he loves how he can take Bucky apart just with his mouth and tongue and a few well placed licks.

“I need more, Stevie.” Bucky pants and his chest heaves with every laboured intake of breath and Steve thinks that he has never seen anything more beautiful before. He pauses for a moment, just caressing Bucky with one hand while he retrieves the lube, hating to break the contact completely when he lubes up his fingers. Bucky whines at the loss of contact, “Steve.”

Steve is back on him as fast as he can, slowly pushing his finger inside Bucky. Bucky moans obscenely at the intrusion.

“Steve, that feels sooo good!” Steve can practically hear Bucky’s eyes rolling back into his head. “I need more.”

Steve pushes in a second finger and crooks them experimentally, trying to find the spot that is going to make Bucky see stars. He knows he found it when Bucky arches his back off the bed and pushes back on Steve’s fingers. Bucky’s hand strokes over Steve’s hair gently at first, but then he fists Steve’s hair and just holds onto it.

“Steve, I want to come with you inside me.” Bucky whines. “Please.”

Steve adds a third finger, loving how tight Bucky is. “Not yet, darling, I don’t want to hurt you.” Steve preps Bucky thoroughly before moving away, pulling a condom over his cock and lubing it up.

He moves over Bucky, hovering over him, wrapping Bucky into the heat of his body without actually touching him.  

He slowly pushes past the tight ring of muscle and Bucky growls in pleasure. Steve rolls his hips slowly, moving over Bucky, his hands gripping at the tightly coiled muscles of Steve’s back. Bucky keeps up a constant stream of “Yes, Stevie, so good, fuck me, harder, right there, feels so good.” And Steve is on cloud nine. Bucky’s tight heat around his cock is just so good and he has to put every ounce of self-restraint in not coming right this second.

Steve works one hand between their bodies, wrapping his fingers around Bucky’s cock, jerking him painfully slow.

“Stevie, I’m so close. So close, I want to come.”

Steve speeds up his ministrations on Bucky’s cock. “Then come, Buck.” Steve smiles at him and Bucky comes with a cry. Steve lets himself go and after a few more thrusts he his coming, too. Steve collapses onto Bucky, burying under his weight.

After a few breathless pants Bucky carefully shoved Steve off him. “I can’t breathe, punk.”

“I’m sorry, Buck.” Steve replies sleepily.

 

After a short trip to the bathroom where they both cleaned up a little, they were both back in bed. Bucky’s head is comfortably pillowed on Steve’s chest and Steve’s breathing is just about to even out, indicating that Steve is close to falling asleep. But before they continue with their lives, together or apart, Bucky needs Steve to know one more thing.  

"You know, I would have wanted you to move on, Stevie. I wanted you to be happy."

"I wanted to be happy, too. But I realized that I was missing something all this time to be happy."

"And what's that?" Bucky crunches up his forehead.

"You."

It seems that Steve's reply has stunned Bucky into momentary silence. But soon his expression melts and he smiles brightly at Steve. "You're such a sap. I've always wondered why you couldn't land the dames back in the day."

“Because there was never someone I wanted, but you. I knew I couldn’t have you-” Steve’s voice broke and Bucky props himself up on one elbow so he can look Steve in the eye.

“Stevie-”

“I knew you were the one for me since I first met you, you became my best friend and I would be lost without you.”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say in response to that, so he kisses Steve again, hoping he could pour all his love and reassurance in just one kiss.

"You are such a sweet talker, you know that, Stevie." Bucky’s weak attempt to lighten the mood falls flat when he sees the tears welling up in Steve’s eyes and he can’t help it, and a tear rolls down his own cheek and drops onto Steve’s.

"You love me anyway." Steve wraps one of his arms around Bucky’s back, sheer wonder lacing his voice.

"Yeah, I love you."

“I love you, too, Buck.” Steve says quietly, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s forehead.

 

The next morning Steve wakes up with Bucky in his arms and he knows this is real, this is all he'll ever want, waking up next to Bucky every day. Steve wakes Bucky up with a sweet kiss on the forehead, making Bucky blink in confusion. There’s nothing of the Soldier left in Bucky at this exact moment and Steve hopes that he will get to see “his Bucky” more often than he will get to see the Soldier in him. This tiny split-second makes Steve so incredibly happy, making him want to hug the entire world. But mostly he just wants to hug Bucky and hold him in his arm.

“Good morning, Stevie.” Bucky greets him sweetly.

“I love you Bucky, always have, for ninety long  years.”

“I love you, too, Stevie.”

“I can’t believe we can be together now. Nothing stands in our way. Not anymore.”

After a few tender kisses turned heated make-out session Steve and Bucky finally manage to crawl out of bed and have breakfast.

Steve knows he's rushing things but the thought is stuck in his head since he laid eyes on Bucky again.

During breakfast, while Bucky is munching his cereal and looking so happy, Steve's chest is about to burst, it just tumbles out of his mouth, without meaning to, he's just so in love.

"Will you marry me, Buck?"

Bucky's eyes widen and he looks at Steve with bright eyes, tears threatening to spill over. Bucky surges forward and knocks the air out of Steve's lungs with a bone-crushing hug.

"Of course I will, you punk." He says when he sees Steve's shell-shocked face as if he realized the deeper meaning of what he just said.

“I know this comes sudden, but I’d really like to-”

Bucky’s kiss takes Steve by surprise. “I already said yes, no need to worry, punk.”

“I love you, jerk.” Steve answers, a happy grin on his face.

 

“That’s a quite the plan we have, don’t we? Getting married.”

“Yeah, and I can’t wait to put our plan into action, Buck.” Steve grins and Bucky’s expression mirrors his in every detail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave us a comment and tell us what you think! We are happy to hear from you!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave us a comment and kudos if you liked it! These make us all very happy.


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